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Young-mi (a pseudonym) is a woman in her late 30s who works in finance at her company. She is married to an in-house couple and her husband works in sales. They look like any other young couple, but they’re “dinks. They lead a normal married life, but deliberately choose not to have children. They don’t have to deal with the stresses of parenting like many of their peers. With their extra income, they spend their free time playing golf and shopping. She and her husband believe that it’s important to respect each other’s individuality, rather than getting bogged down in the institution of “family” after marriage. Having a baby is also a “couple’s choice” and they have no intention of sacrificing their time together for a child. Instead, they have a cat as a pet.
Youngmi and her husband are also financially separate. They have separate bank accounts and manage their income separately. When they go out to eat or play golf, they always Dutch-pay. When they have to spend money together, they discuss what they should pay. The couple transfers money into a joint bank account and then pays with a joint card. Although there are times when the distance between the couple is felt, Young-Mi says that there are many couples living separately like this these days. The absence of the physical and economic joint task of childcare has made life easier for them.
Borrowing money from her husband and defaulting on payments
One day, Young-Mi felt so tired and her face turned black that she went for a medical checkup. The results showed that her kidney function was severely compromised, with only 20 per cent of normal remaining. She took a sick leave from work. Her husband was very concerned about her health, but the problem was money. He felt that it was unlikely that she would ever be able to return to her former financial strength. Her medical bills were all paid by him, but they were getting bigger and bigger, and she was running out of money that she had saved from her job. She borrowed money from him to pay for her medical bills and even wrote him a letter of default. Eventually, she didn’t want to be a burden on him anymore, and he realised that their marriage wasn’t what he thought it was.
The couple consulted a lawyer. They were told that their divorce would be easy because they had no children and their assets were completely separate. In the end, they divorced and decided to remain friends who saw each other occasionally. Since they don’t live at home together, they see each other less and less. In addition to being physically ill, Young-Mi felt a sense of loss and loneliness that she had nothing left.
After the divorce, she developed hypertension, diabetes, and hyperlipidaemia, which prompted her to seek additional care from her GP. Feeling depressed and like her life was a failure, her GP recommended she see a mental health clinic. By the time she arrived at the mental health clinic, she was exhibiting symptoms of major depression, including low mood, loneliness, and feelings of worthlessness. Her mum had been coming home to care for her, but as her mum was also undergoing chemotherapy for cancer, she no longer had anyone to care for her. She wanted to see her husband again안전놀이터, but now she couldn’t get through on the phone, and she thought his heart had completely left her.
Feeling that she had lost everything, Young-Mi drank at home alone every day. Her health was getting worse and her depression was getting deeper. She felt isolated, as if she was living alone on a desert island. She thought her health would last forever and her youth would continue, but now, looking back, it had all disappeared like a mirage in just a few short years.
Getting back to health – and reunited
Her psychiatrist told her that she needed to get out of her isolation and that ‘drinking’ was a big no-no. When a patient with declining kidney function like Youngmi has depression, it can lead to poor self-care and an inability to cope with the illness, which can further reduce kidney function. For patients with diabetes, depression can also cause them to be less active and less able to control their diabetes, further reducing kidney function. Treatment for depression can help you feel better and more motivated, which can help you manage your kidney function and diabetes. Youngmi decided to start seeing the people she used to know a little bit at a time. Fortunately, her health improved quickly when she received a kidney from a donor. After her kidney transplant, she took immunosuppressants and decided to go ‘cold turkey’. In order for the kidney to take up residence without rejection, her blood sugar and blood pressure need to be well controlled, which she decided to monitor and control through her GP.
After treatment for her depression, she was able to return to work. She decided to reunite with her husband, who had not yet remarried, and put the past behind them. They decided to combine their separate lives into a single family. They decided to combine their finances and have a baby.
Youngmee now realises how important it is for a couple to be able to rely on each other. She realised that if they were financially separated and living their own lives, it might be difficult for them to respond to a crisis in their family with a supportive attitude. Having a baby is a couple’s choice, but only if they are united in their hearts and minds can they have the desire to have a baby.
Professor of Psychiatry, Samsung Medical Centre
<You have written a book for highly sensitive people. The cases in this article do not refer to specific people, and I have combined several cases for better understanding. For more information, you need to consult a specialist, and please do not easily self-diagnose or make medical judgements.